“Is eloping the right choice for us?”
We’re often asked by couples about the difference between eloping and having a traditional wedding. It's a question that deserves proper consideration because, fundamentally, this choice reflects who you are as a couple and how you want to celebrate your marriage.
Let's cut to the chase: there's no wrong answer here. Some couples thrive in the spotlight of a traditional wedding, while others find their perfect moment in the intimate setting of an elopement. The key is understanding what resonates with you both.
What exactly is an elopement today?
First, let's clear something up. The modern elopement bears little resemblance to its historical predecessor of running away secretly to get married. Today's elopement is an intentional, intimate celebration focused solely on the couple and their experience.
Modern elopements typically involve:
Just the couple (or with a handful of closest people)
A meaningful location that speaks to your relationship
An authentic, personalised ceremony
An experience that genuinely reflects who you are
Far less planning and coordination than traditional weddings
Often combined with a honeymoon or adventure
The planning difference
Perhaps the most striking difference between elopements and traditional weddings is the planning process.
Traditional wedding planning generally involves:
12-18 months of preparation
Coordinating 50-150+ guests
Multiple vendors to book and manage
Venue limitations and availability constraints
Family opinions and expectations to navigate
Seating charts, catering requirements, and countless details
A structured timeline that needs to accommodate many people
Elopement planning typically involves:
A 3-6 month timeline (though you can plan one in as little as a month)
Focusing on what experiences you want to have together
Selecting locations that speak to your hearts
Fewer vendors (typically what the Elopement Collective provides: celebrant, photographer, florals, perhaps elopement film or content film)
Freedom to change plans quickly if needed
A flexible timeline built around light, weather and your wishes
Making decisions based solely on what you two want
When Britt and I meet elopement couples, we're struck by how much more relaxed the planning conversations are. Rather than discussing complex family dynamics or agonising over buffet choices, we talk about sunrise ceremonies, remote beaches, or mountain peaks. We discuss what matters to them as a couple, not what's expected by others.
The experience difference
The day itself unfolds quite differently too.
A traditional wedding is a production—a beautiful, meaningful one, but a production nonetheless. There's a schedule, there are cues, there are moments designed for an audience. You're both the stars and the hosts.
An elopement, by contrast, is an experience. It's about being fully present with each other in a moment designed solely for you two. There's no audience to perform for, no timeline to stick to beyond what serves your experience.
When I perform an elopement ceremony in a secluded spot in Tasmania's Huon Valley or on a windy cliff in Iceland, the energy is palpable. Couples tell me they feel more connected, more present, and more themselves than they imagined possible during their ceremony.
How to know if you're an elopement couple
You might be an elopement couple if:
The thought of being the centre of attention makes you uncomfortable
You value experiences over things
You're independent decision-makers who don't feel bound by tradition
You're adventurous or love nature
You have a limited budget and prefer to spend it on experiences rather than a big party
You want to avoid family drama or complex family situations
The environmental impact of a big wedding concerns you
You want your wedding day to truly reflect who you are as a couple
I remember performing a ceremony for Alex and Jamie on a remote beach in New Zealand. As the waves crashed behind us and the wind tousled their hair, Jamie looked at me and said, "This is exactly how I always imagined getting married, I just didn't know it was possible."
That's the magic of elopements—they create space for authenticity.
The middle ground
It's worth noting that there's also a middle path gaining popularity: the intimate wedding or "micro-wedding." These celebrations typically include 5-20 guests—just your absolute nearest and dearest—and combine the intimacy of an elopement with the celebration aspect of a traditional wedding.
I've officiated beautiful intimate weddings where the couple exchanged vows with just their immediate families present, followed by a spectacular meal at a local restaurant. The feeling was magical—all the authenticity of an elopement but shared with those who matter most.
Making your decision
Ultimately, the right choice comes down to what feels authentic to you as a couple. Ask yourselves:
What would our perfect day actually look like if there were no expectations?
Whose opinions are we considering in our decision, and do they matter more than our own?
What will we remember most in 20 years—the experience or the production?
What can we realistically afford without financial stress?
Luna and Goldie often remind me, in their own way, that life's most meaningful moments are rarely the most elaborate—they're the ones where we're truly present and connected.
Whether you choose a lavish celebration with everyone you know or an intimate moment with just the two of you, what matters most is that your wedding reflects who you are and what marriage means to you.
After all, I believe the ceremony itself—that moment when you commit your lives to each other—should be the best part of your wedding day, regardless of how many people are there to witness it.